foster mom

This is probably the most beautiful story I will ever have the privilege to tell.  Forgive me if this is a long entry, but there is so much to tell and I don’t want you to miss any of the details—especially for those of you who have traveled on this journey with me for so long.  It’s your story too.

The story really starts long ago, before I ever would have considered writing a blog, when I first felt God’s call to become a foster parent.  Many people (including some of you who will read this) thought I was crazy.  But foster mom I became, even though I had to wait for a really long time for the two girls God had intended just for me.

Life with Hope and Faith has truly been an adventure filled with love, joy, and yes, a little frustration.  As you know from my previous entry, I agonized over the decision of whether I should adopt Hope and Faith.  I knew God had placed them in my care for a reason and I loved them and wanted the very best for them, but ultimately it was my love and desire for the best for them that led me to the decision that I was not meant to be their parent forever.  I strongly believed that they needed two parents to give them the love and attention they both deserve.

The same day that I came to that decision, a dear friend from church contacted me.  This same friend had been faithfully caring for the girls each Tuesday evening when I had meetings at church.  She loved and cared for the girls as well and knew that I had been wrestling with a very difficult decision.  Once I shared with her that I knew I was not called to adopt Hope and Faith, she shared with me how strongly she and her husband felt called to be Hope and Faith’s forever family.

I don’t know when I have ever felt such clarity or peace in knowing that this was God’s plan than in that moment.  I knew without a doubt that she was right, but at that point there were a lot of details to be worked out—such as the foster and adoptive parent licensing process…and whether or not there might be a waiting list for these precious girls…and at that time, what would happen with the girls’ mother.

The licensing process fell into place in an unbelievable way.  We learned that the placement of children in foster care isn’t determined by who turns their paperwork in first, but rather based on what is best for the children.  Hope and Faith’s caseworker and Court-appointed advocate were immediately on board, and then when Grace made her decision and let the girls go, it was clear that God had removed every last obstacle.  His plan was revealed and fulfilled.

Last Wednesday left the girls with some sadness about the loss of their biological parents in their lives.  The girls experienced some uncertainty and were understandably anxious over what was going to happen now.  So Sunday afternoon I got to be there to see them receive the news that two people who they already know and love very much want to be their forever family. 

I will be forever grateful that I was able to witness that moment.  Words can’t describe how excited the girls were to hear this news.  There wasn’t an ounce of doubt or hesitation on their part.  Faith’s words were “who would have thought that our two best friends would be our new mom and dad?”

Following the big announcement, their forever mom and dad wanted to take the girls to pick out a family pet.  Faithful readers know that Faith has long wanted a turtle, so Forever Mom called the pet store to make sure one would be available.  One turtle was available for sale, but there were also two turtles in desperate need of a family to adopt them.  Needless to say, the new family went home with two turtles after the girls got to see how much paperwork is involved with the adoption process.

The initial excitement the girls experienced hasn’t waned in the least.  Hope went to school yesterday and excitedly told her friends that she had a forever family and a new mom and dad.  A couple of her friends wanted to know how they could get a new mom and dad too.

Today was special visitor’s day at Faith’s school.  I had asked Faith’s new parents to be her special visitors long ago, when I was simply looking for opportunities to allow them to bond.  Little did I know that Faith would be able to stand up before her entire class and introduce her new mom and dad to everyone.  Her hand was the first to shoot into the air when the class was asked what they were thankful for.  Faith proudly stated that she was thankful for her new mom and dad.

God’s beautiful plan for Hope and Faith has been revealed as they have now found their forever family.  It is far more than I could have ever hoped or even imagined for my girls.  I am filled with joy and honored to be a part of it.  It is touching to see just how much love already exists between the four of them, but it isn’t a surprise.  God has been preparing all their hearts for this all along.

Faith and Hope are living in two homes this week as we all transition, and then once they return from an overnight trip to see their Nana this weekend, they will go home to live with their new family forever. 

The best part in all of this is the absolutely wonderful life these girls and this family will have together.  The second best part is that I get to be a forever aunt and watch the girls grow up.  While I am trading in my late night and early morning wake up calls, I still get the fun trips to the park.  While I may no longer be making the trips to the doctor, I will still be healed by all those wonderful hugs and kisses. 

I have been so richly blessed by this entire experience, and now I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all that God has done.  It is Thanksgiving indeed.

When I selected the clothes the girls would wear this morning, it struck me that I was quite possibly selecting the last outfit their mother would ever see them wear.  It’s a small thing that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but it mattered to me this morning and I tried to choose wisely.
 
Thank you for all of those thoughts and prayers today.  They mattered far more than the clothes the girls wore, and they really made a difference.  Given the circumstances, today couldn’t have gone any better.
 
The girls’ mom, Grace, used all the right words to tell the girls what was happening and to let them know just how much she loves them.  Hope doesn’t understand what this all means, and Faith is taking everything extraordinarily well.  She is sad about the news, but said she kind of thought this might happen.  She will undoubtedly miss her mother, but she will never doubt her love.
 
I’m not naïve enough to think that it will be all smooth sailing from here because the girls will need to process this, especially Faith.  They are handling everything so well now, but there will likely be some tough days ahead.  However, I am beyond excited about the girls beginning the next chapter in their lives.

Faith asked me a very pointed question tonight before she went to bed.  She asked if I was going to adopt them.  My response was probably very similar to the words her mother had spoken to her a few hours before.  I told her I wanted what is best for her and that I believe what is best for her and her sister is a forever family with a mom and a dad who love them very much.  She told me that sounded good to her.

My choice isn’t much different than the one Grace made for her daughters.  We both love them enough to let them go.

Tomorrow afternoon (Wednesday), Hope and Faith will see their parents for one last visit, during which they will be told that their parents are going to relinquish their parental rights and put the girls up for adoption.  I can’t imagine being 3 and 8 (almost 9) years old and being told that, and I can’t imagine the feelings they will experience when they hear the news.  My two precious girls are going to be in a lot of pain and I would really appreciate your prayers.

In many ways, their parents’ decision is a an answer to prayer, as it truly is what is in the best interests of the girls, but that doesn’t make it any less painful for them. 

I have come to the conclusion that God has not called me to adopt Hope and Faith.  I know this without a doubt because He has affirmed this in more ways than I can count as He has revealed the most amazing plan for these girls.  It is undoubtedly one of the most incredible stories I will ever have the priviledge to tell, and I can’t wait to tell you–as soon as the time is right.

For now, just please know that tomorrow will bring the girls one step closer to their happily ever after.  But at the same time, please pray for them to be comforted through one of the most painful experiences I hope they will ever have to know.  Please pray for me, as well as all the others who will be involved tomorrow, such as their caseworker and CASA, that we would have the strength and the right words to bring comfort and assurance to the girls.

Your support and prayers mean more to me that you will ever know.

This morning I found myself stretching my guts out across Faith’s top bunk in the dark at 2:30 a.m. saying a silent prayer to God that I could manage to figure out how to get the new sheet to fit on her bed.  It’s times like these when I find myself thinking “this will make a great entry on my blog.”

I have to work late two nights in a row and miss putting the girls to bed.  I’m fortunate to have a mother and dear friend who are happy to help in that area, but I still feel the pangs of guilt that I should be there to do that.  Apparently Hope and Faith conspired to help me overcome that guilt by planning some family time in the middle of the night.

Faith has been suffering from nose bleeds for the past week.  For the most part, they have been pretty controlled bleeds that I suspect she is bringing on herself, whether knowingly or not.  However, last night’s was a doozy.  There was blood everywhere—EVERYWHERE.  I’ve done all my very official medical research on the internet and know exactly what to do, which by this time, so does Faith.  However, this was the first time quite this much cleanup was involved.

Amidst all the activity, Hope was all too happy to discover that Faith and I were awake and that I was very busy doing something in her room.  Despite it being the middle of the night, she had a lot to say.  And when her sister and I tired of her chatter, she had a conversation with Elmo, who she had proudly relocated at school yesterday after months of Elmo being MIA. 

Whenever Hope wakes up, regardless of what time it is, she believes she should eat right away.  As per her usual, Hope demanded cereal and cried and cried when I wouldn’t feed her at that time of night.  Poor Faith was all too ready to go straight back to sleep once I finished my acrobatics on the top bunk, but Hope wasn’t having any of that sleep stuff. 

Let’s just say we could all use another two and half hour nap today.

Two and a half hours!!!  I slept for two and half hours Sunday afternoon.  That is the longest nap I have taken in eight months.  Faith watched some movies and Hope slept that long too (so she was a little challenging to put to bed that evening), but I am still glowing from my super long nap.  I seriously feel like a different person now that I have finally caught up a little on my rest.  Life is good.

Why is it that I am ALWAYS writing about Hope going to the doctor?

After coughing all night long, Hope was running a bit of a fever this morning.  The fever was low, but given that it was the day before the weekend, I called in and took the morning off from work to take her to the doctor.  She certainly wasn’t ACTING like she was ill, but I didn’t want to take the chance.

We saw a different doctor because her regular pediatrician had the morning off, plus we saw a resident (which I know all about because I watch Grey’s Anatomy on TV).  Both the doctors concluded that there was absolutely nothing wrong with Hope.  In fact, I think they kind of looked at me like I was crazy. Their looks put me on the defensive.  I resorted to comments like “well, I’m still new at this.”

Then I pushed a little further and pointed out that she had a terrible cough and wasn’t there something that could be done for that?  I figured the least this trip to the doctor could merit some cough syrup.  However, the doctor affixed a patronizing expression on her face and told me that she hasn’t found cough syrup to be the least bit helpful.  She told me to get a humidifier.

With nothing to show for our trip to the doctor but the signed paperwork I had to submit to my agency declaring that I had taken Hope to the doctor for no good reason and the green kaleidoscope Hope selected from the prize box, Hope was deposited back at school, just in time for lunch.

I shared my new knowledge about the ineffectiveness of cough syrup with a friend who replied “just as I suspected, Valentine’s Day and cough syrup are both useless creations invented just so someone could make a buck.”

One thing I can say about parenting is that it is never boring.
 
From what I could piece together (since I was doing dishes in the kitchen at the time), I believe Hope attempted to climb up onto by bathroom counter to get the Barbie band-aids from the medicine cabinet I had regretfully left standing open.  On her climb, she slipped and the corner of the cabinet went right into her forehead, leaving about a half-inch gash.  The next thing I knew, Faith was screaming “you better come in here!  She’s bleeding!” 
 
Sure enough, there was Hope with blood streaming down her face from her forehead.   Let me tell you that head wounds put out a lot blood—even when they are not that serious.
 
My initial reaction probably wasn’t as calm as I would have liked for it to have been.  Once I realized that I was frightening the child more than her head wound was, I calmed down a bit and sent her sister to get some ice.  I stopped the bleeding and applied the ice, and by that time, I was feeling much better about the whole ordeal.
 
However, next came the tough decision—emergency room or not?  I made multiple phone calls to moms nearby who might be able to come and help me evaluate the situation.  I could see it wasn’t that bad—not life threatening at least—and I didn’t want to overreact.  I fretted over this for some time, and then my mom came over and said that if it would help me stop worrying, then it was worth it to take her in.
 
Ultimately it came down to whether it was worse to be laughed out of the emergency room or risk sweet Hope having a scar on her face for the rest of her life.  When faced with a temporary rather than permanent outcome, the decision was easily made.

Mom stayed with Faith to complete her homework, and I took sweet Hope to the ER.  She was very brave.  I may never forget the way she looked holding that icepack to her head and looking at me with those puppy dog eyes.  She barely cried at all.

The assessment by the doctor at our local ER was that her forehead should be super glued back together.  For some of you, this may sound odd, but really it is the best possible solution.  It should heal the wound closed and not leave the mark that stitches might.  I had my chin glued back together after a car accident several years ago.  It didn’t work as well for me, as I developed an allergic reaction to the glue which resulted in a second trip to the ER, but that’s another story.

Fortunately, Hope’s reaction to the superglue has been nothing but positive.  She got to skip her bath that night and her head seems to be healing nicely. 

Poor Faith is the one who feels she got the short end of the stick.  She already feels that Hope gets entirely too much attention—and now this?

Hannah Montana & the Ladybug

I used to love trick-or-treating as a kid.  I have such fond memories of trooping up and down my street and filling up my orange pumpkin bucket.  As an adult, I have loved being the one who answers the door to pass out candy so I can see the parade of children in cute costumes. 

Before tonight, I thought there were but two sides to trick-or-treating; but now I know there are three, and tonight I was the third—the parent.

While it was fun to see how cute the girls were, the parent role had plenty of mortifying moments as well.  It’s one thing when your three-year-old reaches back into the candy bowl WAY too many times, but it is quite another to have your bold little almost-nine-year old say “um, can we have some more?” after already receiving a treat.  Perhaps she got greedy because people kept asking “so are you Brittany?”  Poor Faith had to explain over and over again that she was Hannah Montana—not Brittany Spears.  

As a society, we seem to focus on Halloween safety tips.  I’m here to tell you that we need to focus on trick-or-treating etiquette.  Forget the “only take candy from people you know” stuff.  How about this list (based on my personal experience)?

1. Only expect one piece of candy per house and do not feel entitled to more.
2. Don’t ask for additional candy.
3. Don’t tell people you don’t like the candy they are giving you.
4. Don’t tell others their costume is creepy unless they meant for it to be creepy.
5. Even if someone says you can take “as much candy as you want,” they don’t really mean it; don’t be a pig.
6. Say thank you.

I have a whole new perspective now.  Never again will I tell a kid “reach in and take as much candy as you like.”  While that is fun to do and say as you’re distributing treats, this statement is a parent’s worst nightmare because the parent is mortified as the child reaches their hand in and attempts to grab it ALL (even though they are doing exactly as they were told for once).  And, no parent really wants their kid to have that much candy.

Here is my favorite part about serving in the role of trick-or-treating parent: all the candy I have enjoyed ever since I put my little trick-or-treaters to bed.  They’ll never miss it…

Remember those days when you were in elementary school (or maybe your kids were in elementary school) and you were sent out into the neighborhood to sell whatever crap your school gave you to sucker all your friends and family into buying?  Well, things haven’t changed—except the crap being sold (at least in this case) is nicer than I remember it.  It’s also useful—I mean, who can’t use wrapping paper?

Rather than sending Faith off into the wide world, catalogue in hand, I thought it would be safer (and potentially more effective) to sell to all of you via the world wide web.  Fortunately, Sally Foster has made their catalogue available online.  You can shop at your own convenience by clicking here.  If you see something you would like to buy, e-mail me with the item number and I will sign you up.  If you don’t have my e-mail address, you can leave a comment and then I’ll have your e-mail address and will be happy to process the transaction.

If Faith were to give you her sales pitch it would sound something like this “well, everyone’s selling it, so you should get something.”  Now isn’t that inspiring??  No?  I know. The girl obviously needs your help.

All kidding aside, 50% of what you spend will go to a very good cause, to support special programs at Faith’s school (the other 50% goes directly to Sally).  Faith is the beneficiary of a lot of these funds because she is receiving an hour and half of special intervention services every day.  She works on math with a specialist for 30 minutes in a group of four other students, and then spends 30 minutes on reading comprehension and 30 minutes on phonics and decoding.  She is very fortunate to have such services available to her and they are really making a big difference.

Tomorrow we’re off to the pumpkin patch to find some big pumpkins to carve next week.  I will post some pictures as soon as I can.