Thrown at the bus

When I was in 4th grade, a student injured herself on the bus ride home. Try as I might, I couldn’t get the bus driver to pay attention to her and stop the bus to use the first aid kit. I was outraged.

The following day at school, I organized a protest against the bus driver. All the kids on my route refused to board the bus after school and we held up signs scribbled on notebook paper and chanted. It was a glorious moment as far as I was concerned. The principal came to make us get on the bus, and when he did, he got to hear all about the injustice and the bus driver’s complete disregard for the well-being of students. I’m not entirely sure my parents were ever aware of my organizing activities. I guess they are now!

While I can’t say that this is an example I wish Samuel would follow, my point is that when I got angry, I acted on it. I organized a peaceful demonstration and got my point across. I was also sure that I wasn’t singled out and caught for said actions.

When Samuel became angry at his bus driver, he acted on it as well. His reaction was immediate and not well planned. Samuel’s anger caused him to take off his shoe and throw it at the bus driver.  Yes, that’s right, his shoe.

I have tried to think of what would make me so mad that I would take my shoe off and throw it at someone. So far I haven’t come up with anything that would lead me to do that.

So now we have another discipline referral and another letter of apology Samuel had to write. This stuff is becoming routine, and that is what concerns me most of all.

The wanderer

Yesterday morning, I was notified that Samuel was missing from school. You can probably imagine my panicked state and the drama that unfolded as phone calls were made to Samuel’s caseworker, my foster agency, etc.

We were about the call the police when he came wandering into the counselor’s office. What was first thought to be a runaway situation turned out to be one of hiding in the bathroom—for a very long time.

Samuel knew he was in trouble, but he maintained that what he had done wasn’t THAT bad. He didn’t, after all, blow up, throw things, cause any damage. The thing is, this wasn’t the first time Samuel wandered off at school, so all those times added together and multiplied by his extended absence is THAT bad.

So Samuel faced consequences for his actions both at home and at school. I wish I could say that I believe that he learned his lesson. The problem is that there wasn’t really need for a lesson. Samuel knew what he did was wrong before he did it.

Right now, Samuel is on his very best behavior. He’s being so perfect that it is creepy. I can’t wait until he decides that he has made up for the indiscretion and is ready to attempt the next stunt. Maybe that is me having a bad attitude and expecting the worst, but that’s my reality right now. I’m sure there are more consequences to come. My only hope is for a longer time in-between. That is the progress I pray for.

Complaints department

When I was six, I wrote a letter to the “Police Chef” to complain about having to pay taxes.  I then wrote to the mayor and eventually the president.  Each time, I used the same argument about why I shouldn’t have to pay taxes—I needed to keep my money so I could buy things—like a car. 

My mother still has these fine artifacts, which should tell you that they were not actually mailed, but rather stolen out of the mailbox in a cruel act that deprived me of my first amendment rights.  I am sure she only did this in the hopes that the letters would one day be displayed in a museum after I become famous.  Surely it isn’t because she was embarrassed to mail said letters…

Samuel shares my sense of indignation for the injustices in the world.  While he isn’t all that worried about taxes, he has other causes.  Right now his cause involves the rules and laws that make him feel bad for being a foster kid.  He plans to write letters and make his voice heard.  Want to know the number one issue his list? The prohibition against the use of trampolines by kids in foster care.

The day that Hope and Faith were adopted they came straight home and set up the trampoline that had been out of use in their backyard during the entire eight months that they had lived there in foster care.  In Texas there is a rule that states that foster children are not allowed to jump on trampolines.  Not only may I not have one as a foster parent, but Samuel may not jump on them in other locations.  I must admit that I agree with him that it is absolutely ridiculous that there is an activity that a child in foster care may not do that we allow any other child in society to partake in.  If trampolines are really that dangerous, then why isn’t there some law protecting all kids from this hazard?

Samuel’s other complaint is in regards to the criminal history checks required of the parents of his friends.  He absolutely hates (and I don’t blame him) that one of us has to explain that he is in foster care and that the parents of his friends have to submit to a criminal history check before he can go to their houses to play.  He points out that his friends’ parents don’t have to require that of me before they come over to play in our home.  Samuel doesn’t like feeling different from everyone else.

So I am going to allow Samuel to write his letter.  And I will even pay for the postage required to mail it to some folks who should probably hear from kids like him.  I may even write a letter of my own, as I have some views about the rules and standards of foster care to share as well.  I’ll save those to post another day.

Made me laugh

Sometimes Samuel just makes me laugh. For example, tonight, after I sent him off to get ready for bed. I thought he was taking a little longer than usual and was just about to go check on him when his remote control car came speeding into the living room. Just as I was about to get onto him for playing with his toys when he knew he was supposed to be getting ready for bed, I noticed the note. He had attached a note which read “Do I really have to go to bed?” The answer to the question was “yes,” but it still made me laugh.

Provisions

I’ve written before about God answering prayers, but what I find even more amazing is the way He sets things in motion to answer prayers and provide for us long before we know what to ask for.

When things fell apart with Samuel’s after school program, I knew that something would work out, and God provided the perfect person to stay with him in the afternoon until I arrived home from work. She was so perfect that she was just right for another job I knew about and I couldn’t help but recommend her for that. God calls us to be intentionally releasing.

What was a great opportunity for her left me wondering what in the world I was going to do though. I have to have someone who can bridge the gap between the time Samuel gets home from school and I get home from work. God provided for that too, and a dear friend offered to hang out with Samuel until I found someone else. I put it in God’s hands, and as it turned out, I didn’t have to find anyone. Once again, God provided and brought that person to me.

Last Sunday, a friend approached me at church, and in the course of that quick conversation, I knew God had sent her to me for this next season. I don’t know how long this season will last, as I am also committed to helping her find some full-time employment, but for now, I am so grateful for God’s provision once again. And I know that when this season ends, God already has a plan for that too.

This experience has been a growing one for me as it has so enforced Jesus’ teaching when He told us not to worry. He said not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. His instructions were to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and that the things we need will be given to us. And they have indeed. I don’t have time to worry; I’m too busy being grateful for His provisions. I am so thankful that God has a plan for me, for Samuel, and for all those whom He loves.

Hear and now

About a month ago, I received a call from the nurse at Samuel’s school. Samuel wasn’t ill, but he had failed his hearing screening. I instantly felt guilty for all the times I made him turn down the TV, radio, computer, etc.

His second screening yielded similar results, as did the hearing test administered by his regular doctor. So today Samuel was seen by a specialist and a licensed audiologist. After about an hour of tests inside a sound proof booth, Samuel’s results were inconsistent and inconclusive.

The audiologist explained to me that kids Samuel’s age typically respond to some sort of hearing loss in one of two ways—they either play it up and emphasize the problem to make sure you know about it, or they pretend there isn’t a problem (when there really is) because they don’t want anyone to know about it. We’re not sure which of these scenarios fits Samuel. All we know is that a sound he claims to hear in one instance, he can’t hear in the next. Same sound, same volume, different response.

Part of the explanation may be Samuel being difficult, being an 11-year-old boy, etc. However, when I think about my responses at the eye doctor, I can kind of relate. Which one is clearer? A or B? 1 or 2? I usually have no idea. They look the same. A….no, 2.

Our next stop is the local children’s hospital where they can administer a more objective test and really figure out what’s going on. That’s our best bet of finding out whether there is really a problem and if something that can be done to help Samuel hear better.

What I find the most upsetting about all of this is that no one caught this before. While the results are inconsistent, all the nurses, doctors, and specialists have reason to believe there is some loss of hearing. Why hasn’t anyone caught this before in a hearing screening at school or the well-child exam he had in November? I wish this was a rare occurrence with kids in foster care, but I know it’s not unusual at all for things like this to be overlooked.

Snow day!

Today was one of those special and rare days when it snowed in Austin, Texas!  Given my most recent experience with snow, I wasn’t quite as excited as everyone else at work when the flakes started to fall.  I had already done my happy snow day dance when this evening’s meeting was canceled due to the weather forecast and I no longer had to make arrangements for someone else to care for Samuel while I worked late (yet again).

But somehow an excited 11 year-old boy made snow fun for me again.

Samuel’s school dismissed about an hour early today, and given the extreme cold, I drove down to the bus stop to give him a ride so he wouldn’t have to walk home in the snow. As it turned out, I didn’t give him a ride, but boy did I get to see the show. Samuel didn’t realize I was waiting for him or watching when he got off the bus and started pelting the bus with snowballs as it drove away. He didn’t know that I was watching as he got into a major snowball fight with his friends. I drove home without him and let him have his fun.

IMG_8388 Once he arrived home, we had a blast playing in the winter wonderland. Samuel made a snowman (with a Mohawk) complete with a carrot nose and raisin eyes and mouth. There were lots more snowball fights, sledding down the hill (on the lid from his laundry hamper), and snow angels to be made.

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Every once and a while, I convinced Samuel to come inside to change/dry his clothes and drink a cup of hot chocolate. He was always ready to go back out again, and fortunately the flakes kept falling to replenish his supply.

Right now he is hard at work with some boys in the neighborhood building a “fort” in our front yard. There isn’t much snow left to build with at this point, but judging from all the activity, I believe it will help Samuel to sleep very well tonight.

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A deal’s a deal

Hope, Faith, and their mother invited Samuel and I to join them for the local high school’s production of Beauty and Beast. I was very excited to go because many members of the cast were the same students I have worked with through Bible studies and various ministries at church. I knew it would be very well done and a lot of fun to see.

Samuel, however, was not convinced. Dread might be the better word to describe his feelings toward attending the performance.

So I made a deal with Samuel. If he would attend this performance with me, which was something that I really wanted to do, then I would do something with him that he really wanted to do the following day. He took the deal and we attended the performance.

I was right. The students did a phenomenal job and I enjoyed the performance very much. What I did not enjoy was the sour look of agony on Samuel’s face the entire time. If someone hadn’t known better, they might have thought I was torturing him. He made it through without making a peep though and without causing a scene, so I have video arcade games in my future.

There was a valuable lesson learned through this experience (for me, not for him). The next time I make a deal like this one, I am going to stipulate that he do so with a smile on his face! He told me on the car ride home that he actually enjoyed it a lot more than he thought he would, and that it wasn’t all bad. I suppose it would have been too much to ask for him to actually show that while we were there because then he couldn’t prove his point.

On the trail

Remember the game Oregon Trail? It is an educational computer game, from which I have many fond memories from my childhood. When I taught 5th grade, I had a lot of fun using it as a teaching tool when my students studied pioneer life and the westward expansion.oregon-trail-intro-screen

The concept of the game is that you assume the role of a pioneer on a wagon train headed west. You have to make lots of decisions before you embark regarding which supplies to bring with you, the way to get there, and the speed at which you will travel. Along the way, you have to make further decisions like how to treat snake bites and various other illnesses, how to find food and water, and how to maintain the morale of those traveling with you.

I recently purchased this game for Samuel to play (partly because I wanted to play it again and relive my own childhood but also because I thought he would enjoy it), and I must say that it has been quite entertaining. I don’t need to play. I just love to sit back and watch him go at it and learn a lot along the way.

On Samuel’s first try, he wasn’t ever able to leave Independence (the city of origin), because A) his wagon was too heavy and B) he didn’t have any draft animals to pull the wagon. Samuel went through his entire spending allowance on supplies. And by “supplies” I mean that he went into the general store and stocked up on essentials like 20 pounds of candy and three grandfather clocks. We tried to trade with some of the people in town to get a pair of oxen, but even in this fictional game, no one thought trading an ox for a grandfather clock was a good deal.

Samuel’s next go was slightly more successful. He purchased appropriate supplies and set out on the trail. He was very excited to get to the hunting portion of the game to increase his supply of food along the way, but wouldn’t you know it? He bought 200 pounds of bullets, but he forgot the gun. He had to go fishing instead.

Then Samuel learned the value of purchasing medicine before you leave on a long journey because he and those traveling with him (including his teacher, a friend, and me), came down with various sorts of illness that he had no capability to treat. It was all fun and games when one of us died and he clicked the choice to skip the proper burial (thanks, a lot). But soon enough, his character perished as well, so he had to begin again.

And now that Samuel knows to make sure he purchases a gun in town before he hits the trail, he delights in shooting bear (as in Baylor Bears) to eat when he goes hunting. Wait? Did I say I liked this game?

All good things…

…must come to an end. And things were going so well that I knew it couldn’t last forever. How quickly things can change. That’s what happened tonight.

In a rather public setting at my work, Samuel lost control of his temper. The thing that is the hardest part for me is my inability to understand it. I can’t get inside his head. While there are many emotions Samuel might experience that I can relate to, loss of control isn’t one of them.

Don’t get me wrong—I get angry. Anyone who knows me at all knows that. But I don’t lose control.

One thing I can relate to is what seems to make Samuel angry—the loss of control. I’m a control freak. I like to be in charge. So I try to make sure Samuel is in situations where he feels a sense of control by giving him choices (would you like a or b?) and not imposing my will upon him unless it is necessary. The problem that I struggle with is that the world doesn’t work that way…especially not for an 11-year-old. I don’t want Samuel to get a false sense of reality, but I also want to provide a setting in which he can continue to take those baby steps toward real progress.

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